COOL FRIENDS

my friends, dustin and dave, do indigestmag.com. they put me in it. go look at it!

fancy flat

this is my new floor.
soon i'll know all the sounds here
but for now i cover them
with loud music
so they can also get used to me.
i want to do something
to feel more comfortable
like slip into a coma,
or be really hung over here
and watch bad movies
and bake brownies and leave
dishes and crumbs around my bed
but i don't have an oven
and i'm totally over chocolate
and one day i'll be sick of
this place, as in throw up sick,
and i'll leave
and become a sentimental jerk
around toaster ovens
and exposed light bulbs.

Dolphin Course

Through the cards and candle wax
we watched TV and you said you were drunk,
so drunk you couldn't stop drinking
and I agreed and I poured foamy beer
on my legs.
Should we move? It must be a sign?
I clutched an old guy, an old, old guy
who looked at me with salt in the corners of
his eyes and mouth and begged me to take him home
again. I didn't because of my wet legs.
Whenever you or anyone else brings up next week
I have to laugh. I have to hate the sounds of
laughing and then tell you how much you suck
and scream and run out the door to get more drunk.
We're surrounded by old dolphins,
shiny rubber creatures we get excited to bump up
against. Hold out your hands. They have photos
of themselves in desperate waters, in hotter times,
how they're now here by sheer idea, just swimming along.
I love them and I have to laugh. We're all such different
circumstances, math problems. Maybe men are big math
problems and women are meant to handle the numbers.
So for now, the long drawing I gave you will work.

house-sitting

for all this red wine
i'm quite sure i don't have the energy.
these two orange cats follow me everywhere.
i've wanted certain nice things before.
i wondered how out of touch,
how impaired my lines of judgment truly are.
24 little dogs lined up along our sidewalk.
it's chalk these days,
chalky medicine and hair weaves.
when you left, i whimpered,
wondered again when the mail would come.
it's like when you find me later i'm
hopelessly hammered and stammering on
about the climax, the way i hit you
and you cried and cried
from misappropriated pain. it's like
when i call out, you answer
just to see if i'm really
addressing someone here.

melinda, melinda

melinda was a pink-peach version of her older sister who was light, light yellow.

melinda thought often about scabs, light fixtures, being late. she was late most of the time and when she wasn't late, she was unprepared.

melinda ate unscrupulous amounts of yogurt and practiced the shimmy for three minutes every day in front of a full-length mirror.

melinda does very little for a living.

melinda sometimes purposely cuts her hands on sharp objects in the presence of her friends, pretending it was an accident. she's used nail files and open pop cans in the past.

melinda enjoys physical activity, is quite good at it, but she refrains from formally involving herself in anything. she accidentally has sex, she accidentally starts doing gymnastics.

at age ten melinda contracted a virus called purple-pink fever. purple-pink fever has several symptoms, most of which are latent. at age nineteen melinda started having seizures, in public, on purpose. melinda takes fake medication for her seizures; she puts smarties in old medicine containers with worn down labels. she pops the top of an orange cylinder whenever it seems most inappropriate.

last thursday melinda told her mother she was going to work through a break-up by taking acid in the park which was silly because acid causes brain bleeding and melinda isn't interested in men.

melinda thinks the sound of water is intoxicating.

melinda "holds it" when she doesn't have to.

melinda gets nauseated in shopping malls but really enjoys shopping. she once bought a dress she hoped would get her fired.

melinda hates the way the skin on her back feels when she wakes up in the morning.

nothing, honey

i have two big cameras,
they clunk against my back.
the pictures are grainy
and sometimes they turn out backwards.
i've wanted to rip photos in half before
which is often difficult
because of the paper.
then i remember, i'm not from here.
in the courtyard, outside my window,
there are bricks, there are other buildings,
people move to and from them and around
in them. there is a broken water supply.
it's cold.

Inspired by Smut

There are green animals.
Black fur can look
blue and gray or purple.
I am mainly pink
with red in places.
I am mostly drawn up
in halves.
There are dreams,
full paintings to go by.
There are tools,
loose skin, compasses
for inspiration
but I take none of these
with me. I talk to men
and smooth my hands
over my ass. I suggest
things. When people
express their hopes
for photos, the stopped
frame hiding inside a pose,
there are giggles in my nose,
in my light cream toes.
There are brown trumpets
holding notes somewhere.
In many ways, there are colors.